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Hartmann KOs Garcia in one
By Ewan Whyte
(OCT 2) Last night in the AWE Arena, Oldenburg (Germany), Heidi
Hartmann added the WIBF middleweight title to the super welterweight
title she won last year against Marischa Sjauw, when Mariana Garcia
of the Dominican Republic was counted out, eight seconds from the
end of Round One. Hartmann, who lives nearby in Uplengen and had
been aiming, as she put it, to 'shine' in front of her home crowd,
did just that — albeit briefly — with fast hands that found their
mark tellingly on three occasions, and her hopelessly outclassed
opponent, who had taken a standing eight count half way through the
round, froze like a rabbit caught in the headlights and succumbed
with embarrassing ease.
By a strange quirk of fate, what finished her off wasn't a set of
Firestone tyres attached to a 44-tonne truck (the nemesis of most
leporidae venturing out at night without their Ray-Bans) but a punch
under the ear (which, as is known, accounts for the rest). There'd
be little point, come to think of it, in punching a rabbit above the
ear.
The blows that did the damage were all straight rights: one on the
ear (close, but not close enough to have anyone reaching for the
casserole and the mustard sauce); one on the temple moments later,
as she panicked and tried to fend off her opponent's jab (of all
things) with both hands; and the rabbit punch itself, seventeen
seconds from the end, which Hartmann speared into the gap between
her head and rising left shoulder as she flinched and tried to duck.
The German followed with an uppercut and a glancing blow to the
head, but the shorter woman's legs had already gone, and as she
staggered about in the corner, bent double, her right knee gave, and
she sat backwards suddenly as though felled by an invisible knee;
onto the fourth rope, first; then onto her side on the ring apron.
At 7, she tried to force herself upright with her left arm, but it,
too, gave way, and she fell onto her face. By 10, she was on all
fours but still unsteady, as the referee, on one knee at her side,
wrapped both arms around her and looked up, like a customs officer
posing with an Alsatian. It turned out, he was looking for medical
assistance.
The main event this time featured a huge Russian covered from head
to foot with tiny hairs, like a magnet dipped in iron filings. El
Pais this morning has photos of a gorilla wading through a pond,
testing the depth of the water in front of her with a long stick,
and whilst I’m not saying this guy was as smart at that, his
trainers had taught him to breathe through both nostrils at the same
time. He and a chap called Donald (who ignored waggish warnings to
'duck') belaboured each other for ten (or was it twelve?)
excruciating rounds. In the slow-mos, you saw all the fleshy bits on
their faces wobbling with each blow, as though they were latex
puppets.
The Russian guy's forehead, interestingly enough, was horizontal
rather than vertical: a bonnet, so to speak, instead of a
windscreen. I think perhaps his toupee had shrunk and pulled the
whole top of his head out of shape. Anyway, he won, if anyone's
interested. But so he should have done, given that he was twice the
size of the other guy.
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